Local Man Ready to Spend Next Two Hours Talking About the Beach Boys' Pet Sounds
Published August 2025 0 Comments | Share:
Aiden Toews has spent the entire party talking about the Beach Boys album Pet Sounds.
AMHERST, MA – Local man Aiden Toews has made it clear to all attendees at the party that he is willing to spend several hours explaining why the Beach Boys album Pet Sounds is “the best album ever made.”
“Speaking of tacos, did you know that when Brian Wilson wrote ‘I Know There’s an Answer’ he had spent three days before sitting alone in a room with just a piano, a tambourine, and 20 tacos?” said Toews to another party attendee. “I mean a lot of people don’t know that but seeing as Pet Sounds is the greatest album that has ever been created, I feel that I need to know literally everything there is to know about it. Anyways, I should also probably mention that there were a lot of drugs around that night, too. But that doesn’t take away from the genius.”
According to the party’s host, Esther Johnson, Toews considers himself to be an expert in music.
“Yeah, he’s in my Brit Lit class and he spends most of the time talking about British bands from like… ancient British bands and stuff,” said Johnson. “But I guess tonight he’s going on and on about the Beat Boys or something. I don’t know. I’ve never heard of them. But he’s telling everyone about them, so he obviously thinks they smack. I can tell you though, from personal experience, if someone is going hard on something like this, they know it’s shit, they’re just trying to rationalize it in their own head. It’s like fans of Chappell Roan. She’s a hack, but assholes out there will tell you that she’s the second coming of Britney Spears or something.”
Toews, an English major at Amherst College, says that he is not a musician but understands music more than most people.
“No, I don’t play guitar or anything, well, when I was a kid I took piano lessons, but that just means I can come to music with fresh ears, unbiased by music theory,” said Towes to a party attendee. “So that’s how I can really dive into things and appreciate all aspects of a piece of art, in this case Pet Sounds, and take in everything, the lyrics, the music, the historical context, the interpersonal issues, the… the psychology. And that’s what makes this album so amazing. For instance, did you know that Brian Wilson made the rest of the band record vocals in an abandoned oil refinery in San Diego using tin cans be made himself from melting down old silverware? It’s true. Apparently, oil refineries are known for their amazing acoustics. I’m gonna be in San Diego next month and I’m def gonna hit that place.”
Toews has been standing near the iPad that is controlling the party’s music for most of the evening.
“He seems like a nice guy but every time anyone starts talking to him, he’ll just kinda start talking about the Bean Boys,” said partygoer, Dylan Dycen. “That shit is so mid, I don’t think my grandma would even listen to it. What the fuck even is Sloop John B? You know, I can just make up random words and put them together too, but you don’t see me doing a bunch of drugs and then making an album about it. So cringe.”
Despite Toews willingness to spend the evening telling other party goers about Pet Sounds, he has yet to have a conversation that has lasted longer than 10 minutes.
“I guess this is one of those parties where everyone is in their pop era,” said Toews. “These kids just don’t appreciate the real art, you know? That’s fine. The guy down at Sit ‘N Spin Records on 12th knows. He knows. I’ll head there tomorrow and download with someone that understands music. Not as much as I do, though. But he gets music.”
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