Local Teen Captures "Rizz Master 2026" Title in Upset
Published August 2026 0 Comments | Share:
Brigham Sutherland has been awarded this year's "Rizz Master" title beating seven-time champ Josh Wallaner.
MARTINVILLE, UT – It was a shocking move that rocked the once quiet city of Martinville. A decision ending one career and beginning another.
Earlier this week, Brigham Sutherland, 16, a Junior at Benson High School, was officially awarded the coveted title of “Rizz Master,” overthrowing the seven-year dynasty of the previous “Rizz Master,” Josh Wallaner.
“This is a complete shock,” Sutherland said. “I don’t even know what to say. I mean heck, I’ve known Josh for a long time, and he is truly the master of the rizz.”
Though the title is considered by many to be one of the most distinguished titles awarded to young men, Sutherland is taking it all in stride.
“Even though they handed down the title to me, (Wallaner) will always be the ‘rizziest’ in my opinion. But then again, the guy has always been really mean to me. Oh well, like I always say, ‘love thy neighbor’,” said Sutherland.
After the press conference held at the Martinville 8th Stake House, Wallaner was visibly upset.
“My ass he’s the ‘Rizz Master,” said Wallaner of Sutherland. “If he’s the ‘Rizz Master,’ you can call me Mother Fuckin’ Theresa. That scrawny piece of shit couldn’t wash my feet.”
Wallaner, who was agitated throughout the entire awards ceremony, stormed out of the conference room just moments after the title was officially handed to Sutherland.
“He may have the title, but everybody knows that I am the only person that is truly ‘Rizz Master’ in this bullshit town,” Wallaner screamed on his way out the door. “So, you just go and worship his punk-bitch ass, but I’ll be back. Y’all better watch it foo’ cus next year, my Rizz is gonna explode all over you asshats.”
The decision was handed down by the local “Rizz Master” committee consisting of one teenage girl from Benson High School, Sutherland’s seven-year-old brother, and a few senior citizens from the town.
The inauguration ceremony was a gala affair, the likes of which have never been seen in Martinville. The ceremony, which included a party where non-caffeinated beverages were the drink of choice, was held in Martinville Mayor, Levi Smith’s barn. Suzi Allen, former Mormon Tabernacle Choir singer, sang a selection of favorites. However, her performance was cut short when her teary-eyed version of “I Kissed a Girl” got a little out of hand.
With the parties and ceremonies behind him, Sutherland says he will be busy in the coming weeks. On July 29 he will be on hand at the grand opening of Big Jed’s Bait and Tackle Shack. The very next day, Sutherland will have to travel the three miles to the other side of town to preside over the PTA’s annual Pig Kissin’ Contest.
“I’m really lookin’ forward to the kissin’ contest. They got some pretty good lookin’ pigs this year. It’ll be a great time for everybody,” said Sutherland.
On Sept. 13, Sutherland will travel to Salt Lake City to take part in the 2026 “The Rizzinator” contest.
“I don’t really agree with the title of the contest, but since I’m the ‘Rizz Master,’ I’ll try my best to honor the tradition,” said Sutherland.
Sutherland admitted that he is looking forward to ‘The Rizzinator’ contest, but his chances are looking slim. Returning this year will be Mike O’Leary, who stunned the judges last year by telling them he once saw a dirty magazine.
“I don’t know how I’m gonna do at ‘The Rizzinator,’ cause Josh never won it,” said Sutherland. “And I hear that Mike (O’Leary) from Peaks Ranch is one tough ‘Rizzer.’ He supposedly has some secret ‘rizz’ weapon.”
If Sutherland does find a way to beat O’Leary, he will then travel to Little Rock, Ark. for the National Championships, held on Oct. 25 in the Elks Lodge #4356.
“I sure hope that I can win. Shucks, I haven’t been this excited since I baptized my first dead person,” said Sutherland.
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