WILMINGTON, DE – Democratic Presidential candidate Joe Biden has been taking dance lessons to learn the Macarena in an effort to appeal to America’s Latino youth.
“Our research shows us that the Hispanic youth love two things – Bad Bunny and the Macarena,” said Biden’s campaign manager, Greg Schultz. “Of course we don’t have any Hispanics on our staff so we had to pay a consultant several millions of dollars but we are confident that their research is solid. Seeing that at this point we have no idea what or who Bad Bunny is, we are working with (Biden) to make sure he can do the Macarena. I know it’s putting all our eggs in a basket… or should I say putting all our tacos in a… oh, I shouldn’t say that? Oh, ok. I won’t say that then.”
After four months of lessons Biden has learned the first three steps to the dance.
“The Macarena is a dance and I’m learning that dance in order to show the Latinos that I respect their heritage, their culture, and their sensual dances,” said Biden. “(The Macarena) is fun and all, but I really wanted to learn the Lambada, but they said no. That would have been something. Seeing me up on the TV ‘bumping and grinding’ with a sexy Latina. Yeah, they won’t let me do that again. But I’ll tell you something, (The Macarena) is a doozy. There are a lot of steps and I’m pretty sure I’ve got the first couple down pat. First you do the arms crossing, then you do the butt slap, and then you do the butt slap again. Right?”
Latino voters are expected to play a larger part in deciding this year’s presidential election, specifically in southwestern states.
“We think them Mexica… I mean Latinos, down there in Texas and Arizona might sway this here election to the blue side,” said Democratic strategist, James Carville. “Ya see, them Mexic… I mean Latinos, they ain’t so found of Mr. Trump since he’s been kickin’ them out of the country or just plain lockin’ them up for no other sin than just bein’ Mexica… I mean Latino. So us democrats are thinking that if we can convince them Mexic… I mean Latinos, that (Biden) is relatable they might just show up and vote for him. And what’s more sympathetic to a Mexic… Latino then someone doin’ one of their most sacred of dance rituals? I’ll tell you what, nothin’. Ain’t nothin’ more important to a Mexic… I mean Latino than the Macarena. Take it from me, an old white guy.”
Biden’s campaign team is confident that he will be able to learn the entire dance prior to the election.
“The good news is we still have time,” said Democratic Dance Consultant, Shelia Tudersky. “We will need lots of time. Lots and lots of time. So it’s good that we still have time. The struggle we are currently having is that (Biden) keeps wanting to go straight to the butt. He always thinks the next move he needs to make is to his butt. It’s weird.”
While Biden is taking several months to learn the dance in full, Kamala Harris is reported to have mastered the dance after an hour of lessons.
“I ain’t saying why we think (Harris) learned the dance so much faster than Biden,” said Schultz. “There is no way in hell you’ll get me to say why she learned it faster than (Biden). Nope. Ain’t gonna. So stop asking.”
When President Trump learned about Biden’s Macarena classes, Trump demanded that he be taught “something Mexican too.”