CHERRY HILLS, CO – With the purchase of a new Ford Expedition, Dirk and Shelley Benson have now solidified their position in Upper-Middleclass America. The purchase, the last in a series, finally completes the year long transformation from their previous status of Middleclass.

“You know, it’s a happy day today. I can now wake up in the morning and now look outside and say to myself ‘ha! Those people don’t belong in this neighborhood, not with that 96 Taurus’ and feel good because my car is better,” said Dirk Benson. “The only thing that would make me feel any better would be if I could go shit in their sun roof. I bet that would drive them out of our neighborhood. We don’t need those kinds of people around here.”

The Bensons began their transformation shortly after relocating to the Denver area after 10 years in Mesa, Arizona. In Denver, both Dirk and his wife were able to secure well paying jobs that allowed for the couple to organize and plan their accession to the upper middle class.

“Everyone knows that if you have money, you need to look like you have money,” Dirk said. “I mean you gotta flaunt it or people will think you’re poor. At first it was all about letting people know we had money. But then we noticed that our friends and some of our family had much nicer stuff than we did. It isn’t about competing with them because we aren’t. We are simply making sure the stuff we have is top of the line and better than what everyone we know has. I mean seriously, do you think Doug could compete with us? Have you seen his house? It’s so small you can barely move around in it. I don’t even know how he lives there.”

Step one in the Benson’s plan was to purchase a new house in a nice, upper middleclass neighborhood. They found a suitable neighborhood just south of Denver in the Cherry Hills area and purchased it for “more than Jake and Dawn paid for theirs.”

“Once we got the house we just needed to fill it with all sorts of really nice, expensive stuff. And we did,” said Shelley. “The whole time we were decorating our house the people who own the house behind ours didn’t even landscape. I couldn’t believe it. They must have lived there for like 4 months before they did anything to the yard. And no one ever sees them. The furniture they have isn’t very nice. I don’t think they make enough to live here. They should just leave now.”