ST. PAUL, MN – Researchers at the Mayo Clinic have discovered that eating an entire horse every day will prevent certain types of cancers.
“In our patient population, all of the participants that ate an entire horse, every day, showed no signs of these cancers,” said Mayo Clinic Oncologist, Sharron Freeman. “It was a very surprising outcome. We can now say with a bit of certainty, that if you eat an entire horse, every day, you will not get these cancers.”
During the three-month long study, the research team discovered that all study participants that ate an entire horse, every day, did not show any signs of lung, thyroid or skin cancer. In total, there were five subjects that ate an entire horse, every day during the study.
“We knew that eating horse was not going to be bad for a person, but we really didn’t think that it would be this significant,” said Freeman. “People in America always look down their noses at eating horses, but in a lot of the world horse is a common source of protein. At the same time, incidents of certain cancers in those areas are almost zero. I’ll tell you, I was skeptical too, but horse is actually delicious. Especially if you braise it in a little red wine and shallots. Amazing. Eating an entire horse can be a little tricky though. The key is to pace yourself. ”
The clinical study was designed to look at several different diets and assess the impact of each on the development of cancer. The other diets studied by the research team included eating only foods that begin with the letter “O”, eating only blue colored ice cubes, eating raw spider eggs, and eating recycled automobile parts. With each of the diets, except eating an entire horse every day, patients developed several different cancers over the course of the study.
“Several regions all over the world have lower rates of cancers and we felt that the diets of those regions might be responsible for those low levels,” said researcher, Garmin Gonzalas. “So we started looking at all of these different diets and we started to test some things. Now some of the diets surprised us, like the horse diet, and at the same time, some didn’t. I mean, the ‘eating radioactive material diet from a certain Russian area’ diet didn’t produce healthy results.”
Researchers from other institutions are skeptical of the report from the Mayo Clinic and cite the studies relatively short duration as a potential area of concern.
“First of all, they only studied people for three month. Cancers can take a very long time to develop,” said dietician from Johns Hopkins University, Dawn Merion. “And secondly, eating that much horse meat is, in no way healthy. While delicious, no one should eat several thousand pounds of anything in a single day. Unless it’s Jello, because you know, there’s always room for Jello. But anyway, don’t eat that much horse.”