IRVINE, CA – With pressure from the government and religious groups mounting, Hollywood executives and filmmakers are now blaming the amount of violence and sexual content in movies on Orange County resident Steve Prost. In a formal statement issued jointly by the Screen Actors Guild and executives of Warner Brothers, Dreamworks and Paramount Pictures, Prost is listed as the primary cause for the success of recent violent films including “Matrix” and “Gladiator.”
“Through lobbying and support of these types of films, Prost only encourages aspiring filmmakers to incorporate violence and sex into new films. If he were to see movies like ‘What Women Want’ or ‘Bridget Jones Diary’ instead of ‘Matrix,’ we would be having a completely different discussion. But as it stands, Prost will only watch violent films and will only suggest violent films to his friends and family,” said William Daniels, a Warner Brothers Executive.
While Prost himself admits he prefers the action style movies over “chick flicks,” he claims the blame should not rest entirely with him.
“Its not fair. (Motion picture studios) are the ones making piece of shit films. You’d have to kill me and drag my dead body to the theater in order for me to see a piece of shit like ‘Bridget Jones Diary,’” Prost said. “Actually, that would be pretty cool. It would kinda be like ‘Weekend At Bernies,’ but more fucked up. You know, ‘cus seriously, who the hell would carry around a dead body unless they was plannin’ on fuckin’ it. Am I right? But seriously… I’d rather take a gun and blow my fuckin’ head off than see half the movies out there today. If someone forced me to see a chick movie, I’d fuckin’ find them and cut their god damn throats then shit on their dead body. If a movie has tons of action, huge explosions, hundreds of deaths and lots of pussy, the better it will be.”
The announcement, which was released before the summer blockbuster movie season, is an effort by the major movie studios to change the image that the public has about the movie industry.
“We here at Warner Brothers are all about the family for this upcoming season,” Daniels said. “Sure we could make a movie that is chock full of big tittied chicks blasting away chicks with even bigger titties, but we are taking the moral high road. We know family films and movies geared towards women won’t make as much as Matrix 2, but we have a responsibility to the American family. We’ll leave the violence and sex market to indie films and pornos. Our new strategy is producing movies that kids will make their parents see hundreds of times, each at 8 bucks a pop, then eventually buy it on video, DVD and special edition DVD.”
Though the situation is rather painful for Prost, he is confident that he will make it through unscathed and he might even be able to use the press to his advantage.
“I’ve had a few phone calls from a few different companies, you know, wanting my advice on how they should do certain scenes and what not,” Prost said. “For all you studio exec’s out there reading this, take my advice: Jean-Claude Van Damme. You might think he is washed up but he is the wave of the future. Also, let’s see Jennifer Lopez’s tits… been waiting a little to long for that.”