SEATTLE, WA – In an off season trade completed late last week, the Seattle Seahawks traded all-star fan Karl Tremsky to the San Diego Chargers for veteran fan Robbie Struckly, rookie fan Steven Reynolds, a first round draft pick and future considerations.
With the addition of Tremsky, the Seahawks are reportedly hoping to bolster a diminishing fan base while San Diego looks to add youth to an aging fan line up.
In Seattle, Tremsky’s Seahawk is legendary and well documented in both the local papers and Seattle Police Crime Reports. During last season’s home opener, Tremsky painted himself head to toe in blue and silver covering himself with only a loincloth and sexually assaulted Chester McGlockton of the Kansas City Chiefs.
“We are very happy with the way things turned out here. Frankly, our fans have been rather unproductive lately. When one of our guys crosses the line into the end zone you expect to hear cheers. Here in Seattle, all we’ve been hearing is a couple claps and some yawns. How do you expect us to play football when our audience would rather watch The Genna Davis Show?” said Seahawks coach Mike Holmgren
A life long Seattle resident and Seahawks fan, Tremsky was shocked and disappointed by the news. According to his agent, Tremsky had planned on remaining a Seahawks fan for the rest of his professional career.
“I was totally blindsided by this. I don’t like this one bit. What the fuck am I supposed to do? Pick up and move to San Diego? What about my job and my family? I hate the Chargers. They fucking suck… I mean sure the Seahawks are on some rough times right now but they at least have a decent team. Fuck the Chargers… I’m not going anywhere. Unless they pay me,” Tremsky said.
While Tremsky is less than enthusiastic, Struckly and Reynolds are excited by the prospects of a new challenge. Reynolds has reportedly started constructing a papier-mache Seahawk head to wear during games.
“Oh hell, ya, I’m getting the fuck outta San Diego as soon as I tell my boss to stick it up his ass and let those fries cook themselves. You know what I’m sayin! Yah! I bet Seattle has fine ass honies everywhere. That’s where Nirvana is from and that whole grunge thing. That’s totally cool. Man… I’m so glad I skipped college for this,” Reynolds said.
“You know, I’m really looking forward to this,” Struckly said. “I’ve lived in San Diego for 20 years, and I think Seattle will be a nice change. Add the fact the Seahawks are entering a rebuilding year, they might sign Jerry Rice and they got rid of that whiney little prick Sean Dawkins. Things are looking up for the ‘Hawks. Go ‘Hawks! Yeah!”
Mike Riley, the Chargers head coach is happy with the trade but did express remorse in having to give up super-fan Tremsky.
“We had to do what was best for our club. Obviously giving up a fan like Tremsky isn’t the easiest thing to do. How many other guys do you know that will urinate on opposing players as they take the field. That is dedication. So yes I am sad to see him go but we are getting a couple of great fans in return and hopefully within a year or two or base will be stronger than ever. Tremsky is going to a good organization and one that I’m sure he will be able to urinate in,” said Riley.
The deal marks the first ever exchange of fans between two teams. Experts are already predicting a rash of similar trades to occur before the start of the season.