IRVING, TX – Seemingly overnight, the once quite neighborhood of Willow Estates has erupted in violence as the Willow Estates Home Owners Association has declared war on a small band of rebels led by resident Richard Sterty. Tensions have been escalating in the area since Sterty’s arrival six months ago and have now reached a boiling point.
Late last week mortar shells launched from the HOA office, rained down on the Sterty home destroying most of the house and garage leaving one of Sterty’s children dead and 2 others as-yet-unidentified men critically injured. Revenge came quick as land mines planted under HOA committee member’s lawns took 3 lives.
“That bastard! He has taken this way too far!” HOA president Dean Shermer said. “He brought this all upon himself. There is absolutely no one else to blame here, certainly not those 3 precious lives he so coldly took from us. If only he had painted his house eggshell instead of off-white, this whole thing could have been avoided. But no, he had to provoke us. He is single-handily ruining this neighborhood. Because of him it only looks like a middleclass neighborhood. He left us no choice and now his house will be destroyed and his family will all die along with the rest of that… that scum. Once we find out who they are.”
The stand off started with HOA sending a list of violations and fines for not complying with HOA standards. Violations reportedly committed by Sterty include; unsanctioned house color; refusal to remove dead tree from front yard; welcome mat with ducks instead of “mountain scene” and failure to remove lawn gnomes. According to neighbors, Sterty refused to acknowledge the complaints and ignored the fines entirely.
“At first I thought, you’ve got to be kidding. I can’t do what I want on my own property. Apparently this area of Texas isn’t considered part of America. The Nazi bastards, who do they think they are? The US Constitution gives every American the right to put lawn gnomes in his yard. It’s like the 42nd amendment or something,” Sterty said.
Last Wednesday when eggshell paint filled balloons were launched at Sterty’s home, Sterty decided to take matters into his own hands. Banding together with other “rebel” households who all had similar run-ins with the HOA, Sterty retaliated with a direct attack on Shermer.
“Oh, I showed them. They thought that I was gunna be a pushover, but Dick Sterty is no pushover. So I did what any law abiding citizen would do in my place, I fire bombed Shermer’s ass,” Sterty said. “Sure it was a little drastic but eggshell and off white are practically the same damn color!”
The feud, going on for three weeks now, has seen a sharp rise in the level of violent attacks in the last two days with both sides refusing to give up or seek a compromise.
“We are well past any negotiations. Sterty has shed the blood of board members and no one gets away with that. The law has tried to interfere but they have no jurisdiction here. This is Willow Estates and the only power is mine and my boards. We are currently making moves that will ensure the resolution of this ‘problem’ by the end of next week,” Shermer said.