WASHINGTON D.C. – In a seemingly desperate attempt to win over the minority vote, Vice President Al Gore has announced his plan to appoint rap superstar Darkman X, better known as DMX, to his cabinet in a new position Gore calls, “Dawg of da State.”
A flattered DMX modestly accepted Gore’s offer.
“Ya know I can do this job. A man’s gotta do, what a man’s gotta do,” DMX said. “I need to be there for my people. For the people in the streets, I take this job. For the brothers down in ‘hood, I take this job. And for all you weak ass bitches, to weak to do shit yourself, I take this job.”
Though it is not clear what responsibilities will fall under the Dawg of da State, Gore gave a vague description of the job noting that DMX will have more than enough to keep him busy.
“If I am elected as president of the United States, my good friend and, homey, DMX will see to the needs of the, ‘hood,” Gore said. “He will confer with me on the needs of his, peeps, and on matters of importance as communicated to him via word on the street. I am very happy to have DMX, chillin’ with me and I know we will build a great future for everyone.”
While the move has received positive feedback from many Africa-American groups, political analysts are baffled by Gore’s decision to appoint DMX to a cabinet position.
“To be honest, I don’t know what the hell Gore thinks he is doing,” said columnist Robert S. Lawrence of the Washington Tribune. “The American public isn’t stupid enough to fall for this rather obvious attempt to win African-American voters. DMX? Dawg of da State? What the hell? Surely he could have found someone better, maybe Left Eye from TLC or Dr. Dre even. DMX just isn’t cut out for high government. Well maybe getting high, but not high government.”
In a related story, it is rumored that George W Bush will approach Ricky Martin for a similar cabinet post. This move may lock up the gay-Porto Rican vote that has always eluded the Republican Party.