ANAHEIM, CA – In the single most unifying moment in the history of the world, almost every human being has come together to protest one single thing; The Disney Channel’s new show “Ain’t Them Minorities Stoopid?”
The show, which according to Disney executives promotes racial and religious harmony, is being labeled by protesters as “the most offensive piece of repugnant monkey shit ever created.”
“Disney has gone way too far this time. They have always pushed the envelope of good taste but this is ridiculous. The new Mickey Mouse Club was bad enough, but now this? This isn’t right” Arab American Civil Rights activist and protester, Martin Kambalish said.
Because the show features animals rather than humans, Disney insists that the show is not racist, but should be viewed as “a teaching tool with happy fuzzy little critter characters.” The animals that are featured on “Ain’t Them Minorities Stoopid” include; cockroaches (Mexicans), rats (Blacks), pigeons (Whites), camels (Arabs), and moles (Asians). Disney also said that these will be the primary characters with the addition of others along the way in “special religious episodes.” Some of these peripheral characters include a Jewish pig, a Christian snake and a Mormon protoplasmic amoeba.
“We just don’t see how anybody can take offense at this show,” Herman Welters, executive in charge of programming said. “Just look at the first episode. Mr. and Mrs. Pigeon go into store run by Akmed Camal. A group of rats come in to rob the store to get money to buy ‘cheese.’ The whole thing ends with the Pigeons coming out victorious. This is a very important lesson that our children must be taught. You shouldn’t rob because robbing stores is bad, and kids don’t want to be bad like the rats are. No one wants to be a rat.”
Despite Disney’s reassurance that the show is family based and morally rooted, protesters are calling for the resignation of every employee associated with the project.
“It just ain’t right,” says Mark Cooper, a spokesman for the NAACP. “Look at it this way. The blacks, or rats, are addicted to ‘cheese.’ But this ‘cheese’ is white and the rats smoke it. The cockroaches are lazy, and Mr. Pigeon wears a wife beater T-Shirt and smacks Mrs. Pigeon for ‘steppin’ out of line.’ That is just sick. We are calling for the immediate dismissal of every single body associated with this monstrosity.”
Welters has faith that the public will come around and stop protesting once the series gets underway.
“A vast majority of people are obviously missing the what the show is about, and I bet most of them haven’t even seen it. You wait, after the next couple shows attitudes will change. We have a very special show coming up where Mr. Pigeon’s wife tries to leave him after having an affair with his uncle. Mr Pigeon hunts her down and straightens her out but good. It’s going be one of those shows that you watch with the whole family. Soon after that episode, there is the one where the cockroaches escape their home country to pick lettuce and various other produce in a new country. And in the final show of the season, the camels all kill each other because half of them wont leave ‘The Bluffs.’ It really is good stuff and positive. Definitely positive.”
The show will begin airing next month as part of the Friday’s “Golden Calf Cartoon Extravaganza” on the Disney Channel. Check your local listing for time.