MONTHLY SATIRICAL MAGAZINE
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ATLANTA, GA – A large number of people are waiting to get a flu shot until after the Thanksgiving holiday in hopes that they will have an excuse to miss Thanksgiving dinner with their family.

According to the Center for Disease Control, only 12% of Americans have had their yearly flu shot so far this year. But the number of appointments scheduled after Thanksgiving are at a record number.

“The numbers were confusing to us but once we started reaching out to people asking them why they are waiting for long for their flu shot… it just really started to make sense,” said CDC scientist, Gretta Vernster. “I get it, you know. Once we saw those responses come in I kinda regretted my flu shot.”

Due to the continued divisive political climate, Americans are looking for reasons to miss any interaction with their family.

“I hate lying to my parents but if I had the flu then I wouldn’t have to lie about, you know, ditching Thanksgiving,” said college student, Cody Wheeler. “I’d very literally rather be shitting my brains out then listen to my racist uncle talk about how the media is unfair to our stupid-ass president.”

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