TOP STORY

PAMONA, CA – Former child star Corey Feldman has threatened to leak emails from numerous Hollywood studios unless those studios agree to make more movies starring Corey Feldman.
“If I’m not starring in at least one feature film by the end of next week I will release these emails that I have,” said Feldman. “I’m not messing around here. I’m fucking serious! I have emails from all of Hollywood so no one will be safe!”
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OMAHA, NE – Local grand mother, Cheryl Gilchrist, has been patiently waiting the riches promised in a chain letter she sent to 10 friends 25 years ago.
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This year, instead of making resolutions that are bound to fail, I've put together some life hacks that are easy to stick to and will make you a better person.
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Newspaper's 600th Story Doesn't Live Up to Hype
Massage Therapist Tries to Ignore Farts
Man Makes Resolution with No Intent to Keep It
Sarah Palin Asks Santa Clause for Relevance

• Family Members Secretly Happy "Creepy" Uncle Is Dead
  
• Constant "Hitting" May Cause Brain Damage
  
• Funny Thing Happens On Way To Forum
  
• Statue of Liberty's Flame to be Replaced
  
• Douche Bag Disease Traced to New Jersey
  
• Self Declared "Hottie" Sued for False Advertising
  
• Band Anthrax Catches Anthrax Disease
  
• Local Man a Soccer Fan All of a Sudden
  
• Google Set to Release New Cock Ring: Google ThrOb
  
• Local Man Amazed By Latest Shit
  

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• Groupie Accidentally Sleeps With Bass Player
  
• Sarah Palin Asks Santa Clause for Relevance
  
• Groupie Accidentally Sleeps With Bass Player
  
• Massage Therapist Tries to Ignore Farts
  
• Pothead Patiently Waiting for 4:20
  
• Man Makes Resolution with No Intent to Keep It
  
• April Fools' Joke Goes Horribly Wrong
  
• Man Regrets Masturbating to Olympic Event
  
• Community College Offering Sexuality Classes
  
• Newspaper's 600th Story Doesn't Live Up to Hype